I have to confess: my spiritual life has been somewhat lackluster lately. There just didn't seem to be the passion there to keep going. I was being smothered by daily life.
Sinking in the quicksand of indecision, I was losing day after day as laundry and dishes and children sank deeper and deeper with me...
I wanted God to be my Mary Poppins, to pop in and sing me a song and quickly make it all right and whisk me away somewhere lovely and happy.
But that is not His way. He is faithful, even when we are not, and hears our deep sighs....
Without fanfare or umbrella He did arrive one day; in His own fashion He arrived in my inbox.
It was right before New Years and Ann Voskamp wrote a piece on the grace of God as he fills in the old tracks we have laid for ourselves and she gave some very prudent advice on how to proceed to lay down new tracks for the new year. Grace covering yesterday's mistakes (yes I like that) and 5 steps to lay new tracks for the new year.
No New Year's resolution has ever worked for me. I just don't bother. But there was something about what she wrote that rang so true - and God was there, in my inbox, His hand moving me along like I do my little ones who lag behind. This is for you, He said.
So I blew the dust off a day planner and began with setting my goals. What did I want for January, 2009? To exercise, to get school done, to have my house in order, to be back in a close walk with the Lord? Too much for one day. So I began with what was already in place, the kid's chore list, and I wrote it in. Everyday we will do chores.
and sit-ups: 15 minutes of exercise. Prayer. As I followed Ann's other prinicples:
set wind at my back - start the day with a prayer. "Lord, lead me through the day"
set Jaw to persevere - I will do chores and sit-ups. Mark it off the list today.
set times - done.
set sights - Day planner with January's goals and today's tasks.
set out - one foot in front of the other. No tracks without footsteps.
The pieces began to fall into place, and much more quickly than I thought they would.
Today is January 13th. This week most of these have been added to my list, because this process worked for me. This was good, solid advice. And the wind is at my back. I am not pulling my hair out everyday and wondering how I will make it through tomorrow and the next day. My devotional life is getting stronger as I have more mental and emotional space to seek God.
I realize it will not happen every day, and there will be grace to cover where I get off track, but I have tracks to run on and the future is looking a little brighter because God met me in my inbox.