Deeper Life

I have nothing to say. I am a blank slate. For days now my word well has been dry, My tongue has been stuck like thick black ink pasted to bottle sides. Ideas, once overflowing and running freely, circle without color. Scribble, circle, scribble. Nope. No ink. Muse. Pause. Silence. Where they've gone and when they will return there is no telling. My thoughts sit on opposite sides of the porch swing and stare, moving in tandem but not daring to inch too close lest they unite and form an idea. So I'll wait and swing and hope that one day soon my thoughts and ideas and words will run freely once again.

A friend led me here. She forwarded a very timely word from Ann Voskamp a few weeks ago. I continued to follow her thoughts and found myself desiring to leave a comment here or there. In order to do so I had to create my own space and join. I do have a story, as everyone does. Soon I will sit down and take the time to write it out. In the mean time the creation of this blog page caused me to stop and meditate on who I am and what it is I might have to say. It's been so long since I've had any deep adult interactions. Mine all take the form of nurse, referee, teacher or confidant. I hope to find some friends here. I really have appreciated Ann Voskamp and her beautiful words, photos and music. I think this page has staying power for me. We'll see....

It's 10:42 Pm. The day is ending almost exactly as it started... I sat down to thank Ann Vaskamp from aholyexperience for her words this morning. How could she possibly have known that I, so many many miles away, was standing in her very shoes? There was nothing left to say - she had so eloquently said it all for me. How does she do that, make crying babies and messy houses and hungry husbands sounds so eloquent? In a brief quiet moment at the end of the day I came to thank God for the encouragement during my brief quiet moment this morning and I am beckoned once again. This time One, in rushed slumber to reach the potty, has failed to lift the seat , and the car light is still on... and one needs water... Ann, I am so glad you wrote this morning. Thanks for kneeling and lending me your knees. It made a difference in my day.

The essence of faith is the unseen - without it faith is no faith at all. If I wait until God brings in the harvest, provides tomorrow's grain or today's health and then claim to be woman of faith, does that glorify God? What happens when God does not give me what I desire? A Pastor in our area lost his young wife recently after a long battle with MS. They prayed and prayed for a miracle. She suffered long and hard. They all did. Her children will grow up without their mother. Where is God in that? Why didn't her faith make her well? According to Oswald Chambers it is not in the receiving but in the looking that we are saved: "Waiting for God is incarnate unbelief, it means that I have no faith in Him; I wait for Him to do something in me that I may trust in that. God will not do it, because that is not the basis of the God-and-man relationship...I do not believe God unless He will give me something in my hand whereby I know I have it, then I say -"Now I believ...

Lamentations 3: 21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; 26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. 28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. 29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strik e him, and let him be filled with disgrace. 31 For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. 32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief...

"For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2:10 The moral law does not consider us as weak human beings at al l, it takes no account of our heredity and infirmities, it demands that we be absolutely moral. The moral law never alters, either for the noblest or for the weakest, it is eternally and abidingly the same. The moral law ordained by God does not make itself weak to the weak, it does not palliate our shortcomings, it remains absolute for all time and eternity. If we do not realize this, it is because we are less than alive; immediately we are alive, life becomes a tragedy. " I was alive without the law once; but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died." When we realize this, then the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a man gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ is a farce to him. Conviction of sin always brings a fearful binding sense of the law, it makes a man hope...